Olivia steals my heart over and over again. She stole my heart from the moment she was born. It was really tough to leave her and start working full time over a year ago. I went through a grieving process as I missed our time. Although I was working, I made sure to spend quality time with Liv and found comfort in knowing that the time we did have with one another was a lot of fun, with so much love.
So here I am, after giving notice regarding the position I held at UCF. I am relieved because I get to spend more hours and days with Liv. However, I am also in the process of pursuing a career as an entrepreneur with my creative dreams.
Although I know I am doing the right thing and it feels good; I struggle at times with guilt and sadness. I want the best of both worlds: to be a mom and an entrepreneur. I’m working on achieving just that. In the meantime, while building a career; mixed emotions surface. Why do moms feel so much guilt?
Just when I think I have let go of the guilt, it comes back. The truth is our daughter enjoys her time at preschool, is happy and healthy. I’m the one having a hard time letting go. She is growing up.
During an afternoon car ride, Olivia looked over at me and stated in a matter of fact way, ” Thank you for helping me learn to cycle. I couldn’t have done it without you.” And then she said, ” I love you sweetheart. You’re my sweet girl.” Our girl seems to be 3 going on 33.
Go Momma, Go!
It’s really tough to say goodbye to the walls we have known for the past two years. It is always difficult to make a transition. We lived in a condo. It is small but cozy and warm. I remind myself that these walls are only walls without the life and spirit of family. We tell our Olivia that everything will be taken with us to the new place. She asked us, “Will I go?” Ofcourse! I replied. “Will the kitchen go?” Well not exactly, but the things in the kitchen will come with us. “Will you go?” Ofcourse, honey I would never leave you. And on and on, she asks many questions. And we love her for it.
This evening on our way back to our condo, Olivia said, ” Daddy, do you want to do an icebucket challenge?” My husband then informed Liv that it is too cold outside for the ice bucket challenge. She then affirmed, ” After this day!” with her usual bubbly tone. She cracks us up and these are the moments I hold so dear to my heart. (Olivia will never forget when we completed the ice bucket challenge months ago)
Her ice bucket question, got me thinking…My husband and I started giving backpacks, blankets and bottles to individuals who are homeless, when we lived in Tampa, a few years back. We named this initiative, “The Three B’s: Backpacks, Blankets and Bottles.” It felt so amazing to give out a backpack each and every time. There were smiles, tears, silence and gratitude. To give selflessly is worth more than money can buy. We want to get the 3 B’s started in Central Florida.
As of today, I will be posting a page regarding this initiative. Keep a look out, as I will be adding information in the near future regarding how you can get involved and/or donate. Our next stop will be donating the 3B’s to UCF’s Knights helping Knights Food Pantry. As an alumni to UCF and former staff member; I feel drawn to this cause. Check out how you can support this food pantry at http://studentunion.ucf.edu/knights-pantry/
To all the momma’s out there; I hope you are having a weekend filled with love, joy, and gratitude.
Go Momma, Go!
Momma slept last night! Allow me to clarify… I woke up 1-2 times in the night but remained in our bedroom. My husband was on toddler duty overnight (thank you babe). He brought Olivia to us when she woke up from a nightmare, so mommy could get enough rest to make it through class today.
I am here at UCF and very excited. This joy is endless. Nothing will get in my way, not even my own insecurities. Not this time. No, this time is different. I was nervous when I auditioned for American Idol twice, and I was excited and fearful when I recorded my first demo in Nashville. The committment and determination has always been there.
Yet, I feel this time around is different. I’m older, wiser due to experiences (some wanted and unwanted). I’m a mom. The momma bear in my has come out. I know what I want more now than ever before. I’m going to study film documentary in a workshop class in less than thirty minutes. During my the first class, last week, I got goose bumps, and felt tingling in my entire body. I sat on the edge of my seat, wanting to make my documentary, like yesterday!
This is it. The time is now. There is a lot of work ahead with this class and I will continue to juggle balancing life as mom and entrepreneur. This momma is determined more than ever before, to push forward.
Go Momma, Go!
I always have good intention to publish my blog post by the end of each day. Mommy-hood has taught me to be more flexible in my schedule and to be prepared for the unexpected.
Last night prior to the usual bed time routine for Liv, I told myself, don’t fall asleep in there. Come on Kim, stay awake. I pinched my cheeks and about five books later, the exhaustion swept over me like a tidal wave sinking me lower and lower into ‘la la land’. What I really needed was sleep but my stubborn will persisted. Stay awake and remember to post your blog.
I put Liv to bed, laying next to her. In a moment, I was out. Woke up at midnight. Crap! I’ve got to sneak out so she doesn’t hear me. I managed to make it to my room but struggled to fall back asleep.
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Liv cried out.
I don’t know how I get to Olivia so fast but I do, every time. It must have been 5 a.m. but lights were not dim enough in the room to tell.
It’s mommy, I’m here. Night night.
Nights have been restless and interrupted lately. Today I found myself tempted to nod off while paused at a stop sign. This was a wake up call and thankfully I caught myself from doing just that. And no family members were in the car. But still, I was in the car. I have gotta find a way to get more rest and relaxation while being a mommapreneur. The thing is most mothers can count on a good cup of coffee or tea to get through the day. Caffeine only makes my heart happy with jumping, quick beats which can get to an unhealthy speed. Therefore, I am supposed to abstain from caffeine. Small doses of tea tend to help get me through, in proportion. What helps the most is excercise and well, sleep.
On a brighter note, I saw Liv for the first time dance as a ballerina in a pre-ballet class this afternoon. Tears welled up in my eyes with pride for our sweet girl in her first class. And I finished my homework for Documentary Film class!
Now if only I can get some sleep tonight…
Today marks my 33rd birthday and my 4th blog post on mommapreneurship.com. Number 4 is also my lucky number.
Have you ever read the book “ Blueberry Girl” by Neil Caiman and Illustrated by Charles Vess? If not, I suggest you do- especially if you have a young child.
Here is a sample from book:
“Help her to help herself, help her to stand. Help her to lose and find. Teach her we’re only as big as our dreams. Show her that fortune is blind.” “Truth is a thing she must find for herself, precious and rare as a pearl” “Give her all these and a little bit more: Gifts for a blueberry girl.”
I’m 33 today and what I really want is to continue to be a role model to our 3 year old. At Whole Foods a few days ago, Liv turned to me and said “How old are you mommy?” I said I am 3 plus 3= 33. She replied “Momma, you are three like me!” I said, “Sure honey, something like that.”
Go Momma, Go!
My husband surprised me with a gift that has kept me smiling all day…treatments at the Spa at Riverview in New Symrna Beach. http://www.spaatriverview.com
Momma needed some R&R! Today brought clarity; I need to incorporate more yoga and meditation on a regular basis. Today I had an Oasis Massage and I literally felt like I died and went to heaven. It’s crazy to imagine that the use of hot lava stones is an ancient practice, dating back thousands of years ago. As relaxing as the services were today, I found it difficult to get the chatter in my mind to halt. My thoughts drifted to the vision I have to become a successful mommapreneur. I’m on my way to achieving this yet my impatience sometimes gets the best of me.
I never doubt that I have the drive to make things happen. Yet, I’m so driven that sometimes I need to learn to take breaks on this road trip called life. Breaks are crucial as a mommapreneur in order to recharge. The fuel is priceless because I could fill up on this high of doing what I love 24/7 but the exhaustion always kicks in, if I don’t take care of myself.
My wish this year and each year after is for some peace of mind and completion on artistic projects that are brewing. I wish that for you also as you…
Go Momma, Go!
I’m amazed that I didn’t fall asleep getting my hair cut as it was one of those days. Mommy mode kicked in at 6 a.m per usual, followed by a moaning/groaning 3 year old who was sick (understandable). Yet, I was able to make it to my hair appointment this past Thursday (great thanks to my mom). I got my hair cut and styled by Carol at Salon San Filippo in Orlando. I can always count on Carol for the best care and she takes the time to make sure customers leave happy. I always feel like a new woman when I get my hair cut and styled by Carol. Check out my photo below. The web-link to this salon’s website is here: https://www.facebook.com/salonsanfilippo.orlando
This mom is ready to take on the world of film, music and writing. Sometimes as an artist it can feel lonely, especially when you aren’t surrounded by artists or as many creative people. Even though I have a loving family who has always supported me and close friendships; being an artist is unique to the typical 9-5 job. It is unique because people don’t say, ” Hey when you grow up, become a musician, sing your heart out, be on your own music video.” What most people say is ” Go to college, get a degree and become a teacher, lawyer or doctor.” Please don’t get me wrong, I am surrounded by attorneys (family and friends whom I love and respect). I just want to shed light on the fact that sometimes artists need artists and that is okay. Artists are often resilient because they face obstacles as they lunge forward on a non traditional path to discovering their creative best. There is great reward in doing so though, in my opinion.
Yet it’s no easy breezy walk in the park. This is why I have learned to become my own cheerleader. Sometimes the cheers work, and sometimes they don’t. I look to my family and friends to lean on when needed. As my daughter says, ” I’m only human”.
Go Momma, Go!
I wanted last night to be my first blog post. I had all good intentions. It was my last day working as an Access Consultant at UCF Student Disability Services and my first day of documentary workshop class at UCF. But even more so, it was the first day on a new journey. The quest to become a momma preneur has officially began. I have been planning for this day for years now. It has finally come.
“Momma! Momma!” I hear faint crying and I assumed it sounded like a child, not mine. “Mommy!!!!!” the crying grew louder. “Olivia, I’m coming. Mommy is coming!!!” my toes missed the bamboo floor like a ballerina in mid air. I figure the faster I fly the less pain. The agony of hearing our 3 year old cry is unbearable. I’m there in a flash with my ballerina moves.
Mommapreneurship blog must wait until morning.
So here I am the morning after, posting about being a mom and entrepreneur. The mantra I keep repeating is this “Go Momma, Go!” My daughter just gave me her fairy wings. “One for you mommy! Let’s be fairies together.” Life is good. I love her so much.