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Finding my tribe…

It has been a whirlwind.

My emotions were high, then low and now somewhere in between.

This last week, an unease grew, that I couldn’t quite figure out.

Thanks to my mom, some much needed girl talk and tears, we figured it out.

Everyone wants to be included (to belong), to be a part of a “tribe” of people, they feel connected to.

I have wonderful friends, many of whom are creative.  However, most of them live out of town.

I’m longing to meet artists and to be surrounded by that energy.

There is a difference between being creative and needing to create.

I have a desire to create things 24/7, often get bored and wish I could find these people, who feel the same way.

I’m on a journey searching for something, somewhere.  Just haven’t quite found it yet.

Despite this constant frustration, I’m happy with who I am.  I love my family and they love me back.

My toddler and I explore our imaginations on a regular basis.

I feel lucky to have a supporting team of family and friends.

But there is just something missing.

And so the search continues to find a tribe of artists.

Go Momma, Go!

Kimberly

 

 

 

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Love

Love, Love, Love, Love, Love

Happy Valentine’s day “to be” everyone.  (Tommorow is Valentine’s Day).

It’s really about loving others, loving one self, and recognizing gratitude everywhere.

This is what Valentine’s Day means to me.

I’m feeling empowered.

I can do this.  I can be a mom and an entrepreneur.

My role of mom does not define the whole of me.

It is a huge part of my life, that I treasure more than anything

But I am so much more than my role or any role for that matter.

I embrace the unknown, the journey ahead.

I am grateful for my role as mother and feel fortunate

As my daughter gives me life.

I can’t imagine a world without her.

 

Go Momma, Go!!!

Kimberly

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It’s Tough

Dear Blog,

I missed you! But not enough to lose my long weekend to you.  I got to spend quality time with my little miss sunshine.  And let me tell you she has been more content since Liv is having more bonding time with mommy.

As a mom and an entrepreneur, it’s really tough.  There is tough love as a mom and the role of entrepreneur is so much fun but also really tough.  I’m going to be very honest with you in this blog, not holding back my emotions or thoughts.  As an entrepreneur, you must advocate for your interest/your cause.  But when you are a creative person, it seems that you must advocate even more.

Although creativity draws people and many individuals are creative; there seems to be a disparity in the perception of having a creative hobby versus making this hobby a profession.

The funny thing is most people feel youthful, energized and have “ah ha” moments simply by picking up coloring or paint supplies and making something.  I want to have the “ah ha” moments a majority of the time.

Okay that is enough babble for me today.  My brain is overloaded as we are still transitioning to new home and so much out of order.  More later gator!

Go Momma, Go!

Kimberly

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A Thousand Years and counting…

I asked Olivia tonight at dinner, ” Do you like spending more time with mommy?”

Liv stated with sheer joy, ” Everyday for a thousand years I’m going to stay with you.”

Another heart warming moment.  I can’t get enough of these precious memories.

I’m letting go of the guilt of being a working entrepreneur and rejoicing in the extra time Liv and I get to spend together, since we moved her from full time to part time preschool.

We optimize our extra days and I’m feeling like my old self again- free spirited.

Nothing like a toddler to bring the joy and care free existence of childhood back.

Go Momma, Go!

Kimberly

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Watch This!

Oh how I missed you dear, blog.  We have a love/hate relationship at times.  We are in love most days as long as I keep my posts to a minimum in verbiage, otherwise I get bored.

Sorry about my delay in writing to you.  I am in the midst of a huge transition from a condo to a home and an overall life change.  So forgive me!

I will no longer be posting the number of days in the subject line of my blogs, as I lose track sometimes.

Watch This!!! Our three year old shouted these two beautiful words last night as she showed us her latest dance moves.  We giggled with joy and all the stress of moving faded away.  

I learned something about myself too.  I can actually create music by hearing notes, rather than reading textbooks.  It was an epiphany! (more blogging later today!)

Go Momma, Go!

Kimberly

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Day 11-12: Fell Asleep Again

I had every good intention to write to you yesterday evening and then…ZZZZZ…. That happened! I fell asleep while rubbing my three year olds back.

I’m actually thankful for this as I woke up refreshed.  Momma actually got at least 7-8 hours of sleep.

I’ve decided after further contemplation about my blog, to keep my posts simple and brief.

I get bored sometimes just re-reading the paragraphs I write.  I don’t want people to stop reading because they are too long.  Also I appreciate the simple things in life, which is one reason I was drawn to the template I used for this blog.  And I’ve got to be honest, I  need any time I can get to play with our three year old and to work on completing my creative projects.  I don’t feel that people really want to read lengthy stories.

From now on I will summarize this mom’s journey through entrepreneurship with a few sentences or words.  (Okay obviously, this blog post doesn’t count as I needed to explain my intentions.)  Cheers to all the mothers out there who are full speed ahead building a life as a mom and an entrepreneur. It ain’t easy but someone’s gotta do it! =)

Go Momma, Go!!!

Kimberly

 

 

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Day 10: Suja Juice One Day Cleanse

It may or may not have been a good idea to do Suja’s one day refresh cleanse today.  I am on my fourth fruit and vegtable juice for cleansing.  In the meantime, I am reading from Rabiger’s Directing the Documentary book for class, and preparing for the weekly quiz.  The smell of cheese, sweet red sauce,  and carbohydrates resonates from the kitchen, as my husband decided to eat pizza during his lunch break; while I laid flat on the couch.  I forgive him but I don’t forgive the smell of pizza which is still lingering in the house.

A tingling sensation followed by slight dizziness comes and goes.  I keep reminding myself, it’s only one day.  You can do this, Kimberly.  Just take it easy today.  My plan is to finish this homework, take the quiz and *meditate, even if for half an hour.  This revitalization will be necessary since mommy time is less than 2 hours away.  I’ve got to get back to my homework now and stay focused.

Go Momma, Go!

Kimberly

* Meditation didn’t happen as I planned.  I remembered my promise to pick up Olivia early today. So off I went.  Gotta be a flexible momma.

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Day 9: Steal my heart

Olivia steals my heart over and over again. She stole my heart from the moment she was born.  It was really tough to leave her and start working full time over a year ago.  I went through a grieving process as I missed our time.  Although I was working, I made sure to spend quality time with Liv and found comfort in knowing that the time we did have with one another was a lot of fun, with so much love.

So here I am, after giving notice regarding the position I held at UCF.  I am relieved because I get to spend more hours and days with Liv. However, I am also in the process of pursuing a career as an entrepreneur with my creative dreams.

Although I know I am doing the right thing and it feels good; I struggle at times with guilt and sadness.  I want the best of both worlds: to be a mom and an entrepreneur.  I’m working on achieving just that.  In the meantime, while building a career; mixed emotions surface.  Why do moms feel so much guilt?

Just when I think I have let go of the guilt, it comes back.  The truth is our daughter enjoys her time at preschool, is happy and healthy.  I’m the one having a hard time letting go.  She is growing up.

During an afternoon car ride, Olivia looked over at me and stated in a matter of fact way, ” Thank you for helping me learn to cycle. I couldn’t have done it without you.”  And then she said, ” I love you sweetheart.  You’re my sweet girl.”  Our girl seems to be 3 going on 33.

Go Momma, Go!

Kimberly

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Day 8: Packing and moving

It’s really tough to say goodbye to the walls we have known for the past two years.  It is always difficult to make a transition.  We lived in a condo.  It is small but cozy and warm.  I remind myself that these walls are only walls without the life and spirit of family.  We tell our Olivia that everything will be taken with us to the new place.  She asked us, “Will I go?” Ofcourse! I replied.  “Will the kitchen go?”  Well not exactly, but the things in the kitchen will come with us.  “Will you go?”  Ofcourse, honey I would never leave you.  And on and on, she asks many questions. And we love her for it.

This evening on our way back to our condo, Olivia said, ” Daddy, do you want to do an icebucket challenge?” My husband then informed Liv that it is too cold outside for the ice bucket challenge.  She then affirmed, ” After this day!”  with her usual bubbly tone.  She cracks us up and these are the moments I hold so dear to my heart. (Olivia will never forget when we completed the ice bucket challenge months ago)

Her ice bucket question, got me thinking…My husband and I started giving backpacks, blankets and bottles to individuals who are homeless, when we lived in Tampa, a few years back.  We named this initiative, “The Three B’s: Backpacks, Blankets and Bottles.”  It felt so amazing to give out a backpack each and every time.  There were smiles, tears, silence and gratitude.  To give selflessly is worth more than money can buy.  We want to get the 3 B’s started in Central Florida.

As of today, I will be posting a page regarding this initiative.  Keep a look out, as I will be adding information in the near future regarding how you can get involved and/or donate.  Our next stop will be donating the 3B’s to UCF’s Knights helping Knights Food Pantry.  As an alumni to UCF and former staff member; I feel drawn to this cause.  Check out how you can support this food pantry at http://studentunion.ucf.edu/knights-pantry/

To all the momma’s out there; I hope you are having a weekend filled with love, joy, and gratitude. 

Go Momma, Go!

Kimberly

 

 

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Day 7: Off to class!

Momma slept last night! Allow me to clarify… I woke up 1-2 times in the night but remained in our bedroom. My husband was on toddler duty overnight (thank you babe).  He brought Olivia to us when she woke up from a nightmare, so mommy could get enough rest to make it through class today.

I am here at UCF and very excited.  This joy is endless.  Nothing will get in my way, not even my own insecurities.  Not this time.  No, this time is different.  I was nervous when I auditioned for American Idol twice, and I was excited and fearful when I recorded my first demo in Nashville.  The committment and determination has always been there.

Yet, I feel this time around is different.  I’m older, wiser due to experiences (some wanted and unwanted).  I’m a mom.  The momma bear in my has come out.  I know what I want more now than ever before.  I’m going to study film documentary in a workshop class in less than thirty minutes.  During my the first class, last week, I got goose bumps, and felt tingling in my entire body.  I sat on the edge of my seat, wanting to make my documentary, like yesterday!

This is it. The time is now. There is a lot of work ahead with this class and I will continue to juggle balancing life as mom and entrepreneur.  This momma is determined more than ever before, to push forward.

Go Momma, Go!

Kimberly